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We know that abuse in a relationship is toxic, but what about a relationship that is not abusive? Is it toxic? Yes, and these relationships are just as dangerous, if not more, than an abusive relationship because you may not be aware that it’s harming you. Like boiling a frog, a toxic relationship can kill you slowly inside, stunt your growth, lower your self-esteem, and disconnect you from you, without you knowing it.
What are the signs of a toxic relationship? Follow us in today’s Best Pick.
1. Subtle Character Assassination
Assassinating one’s character isn’t always obvious. You can do it without bad intentions. Many of us grew up belittling friends and siblings as a way to connect, especially boys who spent a lot of time in locker rooms—idiot, loser, bitch, wussy. This can carry into adulthood.
Any dialogue or behavior, intended or not, that takes away from one’s worth is character assassination. And over time, this can create hairline cracks in your relationship container.
2. Control Without Knowing It
Checking up on you, accusing you of talking to people you “shouldn’t,” purposely making friends or family feel uncomfortable when visiting, punishing you by making you feel bad about something, demanding a report on your actions and conversations, not allowing any activity which excludes your partner, telling you what you can and can not wear, or what you can and can not eat. All of these are obviously examples of controlling behavior.
But control can also come in decaf, a subtle between-the-lines push that can make people do things out of guilt or other things, and that we may not be aware that we’re doing. Any dialogue, behavior, or design, intended or not, that takes from one’s truth and freedom is control.
3. Jealous Passive-Aggressive Behavior
There’s nothing wrong or toxic about feeling jealous. It’s what you do with that feeling that determines whether you make a relationship toxic or not.
Yes, checking your phone and emails behind your back, wanting to know where you are at all times and who you’re with, and telling you what you can and can not wear, all represent jealous behavior.
4. Never Taking Ownership
Ownership is what makes relationships grow. If people don’t own, they are not learning, expanding, and evolving. They are repeating patterns. They are living in the past. They are defensive.
When people don’t take ownership, they flip their relationship magnet, and this can make a relationship toxic because if a relationship is not always growing and evolving and deepening, it is stagnant. And a stagnant relationship, one that only goes in circles, is a toxic relationship.
5. Negativity for Too Long
We all go through winters. We all have bad days. But if your partner makes no effort to catch the light, always dragging you into their cave because you’re the closest person to them, that can turn the relationship toxic.
We have a responsibility for our own happiness. If we’re not happy, fine; no one’s happy all of the time. But then we should be working on that while getting support from our partner. Not putting it on our partner. If we don’t do anything about our negativity, behavior, thinking, and energy, we are taking them down with us.
Source: Psychology Today
That’s all for today’s [Best Pick]!
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See you next time! 🙂